When I uttered those words, it actually hit me. oh, I thought, I actually... love him. He looked at me with a soft smile and stuck his hand in my back pocket. I slid my arm around his waist as we started walking again.
"I love you, too, Ricky." He said softly, his eyes fixated on the sidewalk. He had snuck out of his house, for me. Broken cerfew, on a school night, for me. Soaked in the rain, for me. A then, again, it hit me, like a ton of bricks. He loves me, too. He really, seriously, loves, me.
But I knew this couldn't be all perfect. Ruben pulled my phone out of my back pocket as it vibrated. "You got a text." He said happily. His eyes dropped and he shoved the phone to my chest. "From Bear."
I fumbled the phone and steadied my hands to read the screen. I rolled my eyes. "Sam broke up with me." I mimicked Bianca as I read the text.
Ruben sort of laughed and smirked. "Who cares?"
So I filepped open the phone and typed that. "Who cares?" I laughed as I hit sent. Ruben was kind of somber, quiet and hurt. Probably wondering why I'd reply.
And as if it weren't bad enough, who pulls up in his big cop car, lights flashing, sirern silent, but big-daddy-dick? "Ricky." He said, shining his big maglight in our eyes. "Whatchya doin'?"
"Better question is; What are you doing?" I shot, walking again, with my fists in my pockets. Ruben stood there for a second, and caught up with me. John rode up along side us, still shining that god awful light.
"Ricardo, do you know what time it is?" He tried to say happily. I hated that, when he tried to play nice.
"Yep." I said, staring him straight in the eye. Breaking eye contact shows weakness, I thought, weakness is fear. I am not afraid of him.
"Then what are you doing?" He said, getting angry. His deep, gravel voice met my ears sharply.
"Goin' for a walk." I said, still looking at him with all the hate I had. He pulled up in an open spot and cut the ignition. Getting out of the car, he scowled.
"Ricky, get your... home, now." He pointed in the direction of our house and growled. "Or I'll put you in handcuffs and take you to the station."
I looked at him, sternly. "I'd like to see you try." Ruben put a hand on my shoulder, I could tell he was nervous. Nervous, angry, anxious. All the things I was, but I just couldn't get out.
He tugged on his handcuffs a bit, to scare me. "I will." And he looked at Ruben angrily. "And you, get home or I'll haul your... in too. On more than one account. disobeying the law, and disrespecting an officer." He counted on his fingers.
I stepped up to him, brushing Ruben's hand off my shoulder. "You won't do anything." I said, unsure. "You don't have the guts." The angered expression on his face slid, and his shoulders dropped. "That's what I thought." I said, grabbing Ruben's wrist and pushing past John. I ran the show areound here, not him.
Behind us, I heard his car door open, shut, and the engine turn. He said something on the radio and pulled out of the spot. "Yea, I found him. East and 16th. With Ruben, who else? Okay, bye. Love you, too."
God, that hurt, Hearing him tell my mom he loves her. Even though he talks to his friends about her, bashing her and complaining about her "fag of a son" and "crap cooking." I just can't bring myself to tell her though, he makes her so happy.
He sped past us and turned the corner. That's when I broke. That's when my knees gave and my eyes teared. My voice split, and my throat cracked. My heart beat so fast, it hurt, and my stomache turned. I fell back and sat on my feet. "Oh my god." My hands shook as I brought them to my eyes to wipe the few tears I let pass.
Ruben sat next to me with his arm across my shoulders whispering "It's okay, you'll be okay" and "You were brave, braver that I ever could've been."
I whimpered something inaudible and stood, taking Ruben up with me. "I hat him so... so much." I growled angrily, hoping Ruben heard the despise in my voice. "I hate him."
"I know dude, I know." He grabbed my hand and squeezed hard. "Are you okay?"
We started walking again, and I smiled."No." I chuckled and pulled on the hole on my pants knee. "I ripped my jeans."